omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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