I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
