I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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