I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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