My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
