R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
