So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
