well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
