...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
