Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
