I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
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