He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize