I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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