How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
