also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
