i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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