let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
