He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
