NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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