so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
