i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
