you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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