You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
