it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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