Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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