He is an equal opportunity slut.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
