When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
