He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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