the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
