Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
