just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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