he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
