there's paper in my vomit.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
