So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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