You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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