i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
