Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
