Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
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Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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