I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
