You really coming over, don't trick.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
