dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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