I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
