we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
handjob tips. give me some.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
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