So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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