pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
