Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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