if you like me you must not know who I am
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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