It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
