Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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