Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
