why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
