idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
