you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
