My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
