I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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