tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just cropdusted the office
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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