I cut my penus on the lid.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
