Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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