so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
