Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just want to make out with him forever
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
