I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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