my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
