hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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