I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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