It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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