When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Randomize
