Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
