and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
