perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
