He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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