someone owes me an orgasm
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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