You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
