I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
