Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
