Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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