Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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