It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
